Untouchable
by EpicallyObsessed
Summary: Kendall and James' relationship is put to the test when James gets offered an amazing opportunity the night of BTR's farewell party. Will the couples love be strong enough to survive the new obstacles that arise? (Contains Slash; Kames & Cargan)
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello everyone! Time for a new story! Now this is a sequel to my story Complicated Love, but it's also somewhat of a standalone story. You don't really have to read Complicated Love to get this story, but I would advise it since there will be quite a few references to it and a couple of loose ends will be tied up in this story as well.**

**I hope you all enjoy the first chapter of Untouchable!**

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**Prologue**

They say that all good things come to an end. I guess I didn't know how true that statement really was until now.

As I looked on at the party from my spot near the bar, I couldn't help but reflect back on this past year.

The guys and I had released our third album, following it up with a worldwide tour. Of course at the time, we had no idea that it would be out last and final tour.

The argument we had over the fate of the band was still fresh in my mind. It was definitely one of our more heated arguments, with Griffin deciding to let us decide if we wanted to continue with the band or not. I was all for it, but I knew that the guys had their own plans.

Despite the argument, as usual, all it did was bring us closer together.

My relationship with Kendall was stronger than ever, our love seeming to only grow stronger every day. I could tell that Logan and Carlos had grown closer as well, seeing as how they had become just as inseparable as Kendall and I are.

"Hey you." Kendall said, the sound of his voice breaking me out of my thoughts.

I glanced up, not missing the bright smile plastered on his face as he made his way over to me, giving me a quick yet sweet kiss before taking the spot next to me.

"So… you wanna tell me why you're over here by yourself instead of out there socializing and having fun? More specifically, with me." He asked, giving me a teasing smile which I immediately returned with a smile of my own.

"It's nothing. Just needed a little break, that's all." I said, only half-telling the truth. And from the look on Kendall's face, I could tell that he knew.

"Aaand…" He prodded, giving me the look that he always gives me to let me know that he wasn't leaving until I told him.

"Fine. I guess… I guess I'm just not ready to give all of this up, to go back to Minnesota." I said honestly, avoiding the sympathetic look that Kendall was surely giving me.

"Jay…" He said softly while putting his hand on my shoulder, but I quickly spoke before he could get another word in.

"You don't get it Kendall. You all have something to go back to. You all have goals. You can pursue your hockey career, Logan can go after his doctor dream, and Carlos… well I'm not really sure what it is Carlos wants to do. But he can do it. You all have something to look forward to. Not to mention parents that will support and care about you." I said, stopping to take a calming breath.

This wasn't the first time that I had let my mom get to me. Ever since she found out that I was bi and was in a relationship with Kendall, she had completely shut me out. I had made numerous attempts to get in contact with her, just to face disappointment everytime.

After Kendall hadn't said anything for a while, I glanced over at him, noticing what seemed to be a look of understanding on his face.

"Why didn't you tell us?" He asked softly, his emerald eyes staring right into mine.

I had opened my mouth to respond when another familiar voice stopped me.

"Hey guys!" Kendall and I both glanced over, immediately noticing Ryder making his way over to us. I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face at the sight of the blue eyed blonde. I got up when he made his over to us and brought him into a tight hug.

"Hey Ry! I didn't expect you to show up!" I exclaimed, using the nickname that I had given him almost a year ago.

"Like I would miss your farewell party!" He said, returning the smile I gave him before turning his attention to Kendall.

"Hey Kendall!" Ryder greeted before bringing Kendall into a hug, which he immediately returned.

"Hey man! It's good to see you." Kendall said, a genuine smile on his face.

I couldn't help the happiness that I felt inside as I watched the two interact.

Even though things started off a little rocky between the pair, they had quickly become great friends. Thankfully he got along with Carlos and Logan as well, but we hadn't really had much time to hang out. His first album was a huge hit so he was now working on his second album. And between him working on his album, and us being on tour, that just didn't leave any room for us to hang out.

"James?"

I was brought out of my thoughts once again by Ryder, who was giving me a worried look along with Kendall.

"What?" I asked, mentally slapping myself for that lame response.

"I was asking if you wanted anything to drink." He said, the worry starting to slightly fade.

"Um… sure." I said, to which he nodded before moving a few spots down to get us all something to drink.

I looked back to Kendall, whose nervousness hadn't faded in the least. He opened his mouth to say something but I held up my hand to stop him.

"Don't. Not here anyway. We'll talk later." I assured him. He gave me a skeptical look before nodding his head and returning to his spot next to me.

Ryder had returned with drinks for the three of us about a minute later. We had stayed plastered to our spots, exchanging stories when Griffin suddenly walked up to us.

"Hello boys. And friend…" He said, eyeing Ryder curiously before turning his attention back to Kendall and I.

"Hello Griffin." Kendall said, giving the CEO a curt nod.

He and Griffin have had numerous arguments ever since we had found out the news that we would be able to continue. Luckily, I was able to talk Kendall into making peace with the man. Well, as peaceful as the two could get with each other.

"I hope you boys are enjoying the party." He said, giving me a look that made me inwardly gulp. Mostly because every time he had that look, bad things were sure to follow.

"Um… yeah. The party's great!" I said, Kendall and Ryder silently nodding in agreement.

"That's good." He said before directing his attention at me. "James, I'd like to speak with you sometime tonight." He said in a tone that clearly said that it wasn't up for discussion. "Enjoy the rest of your night boys." He added before walking off.

As soon as he was gone I turned to Kendall, who had the same bewildered expression on his face that I was pretty sure I had on mine.

'_Well, this should be interesting.'_

XxX

I took a deep breath as I walked up to Griffin.

The party was almost over so the guys had promised to keep the party going until I got back from my meeting with Griffin.

"You wanted to see me?" I said awkwardly once I made my way over to him, effectively getting his attention.

"Ah, yes. Let's go somewhere a little less crowded." He said motioning for me to follow him as he headed towards an empty lounge area.

"So… what's this about?" I asked once we had sat down, wanting to get straight to the point.

"Well, I couldn't help but notice that the other three seemed sure of their decision to not continue with the band, while you seemed a little more hesitant." He said, giving me an analytical look.

"I'm not sure what you mean." I said quietly, knowing good and well that I couldn't talk my way out of this one. Me seeming hesitant was putting it lightly.

"Oh please, you barely said a word when I asked if you were sure. Plus, after being in this business for so long, you start to pick up on a few things." He said, which only made my chances of talking myself out of this even more slim.

"Look, I know that you're not ready to give this up just yet. So I want to make you an offer."

As soon as the words left his mouth, I knew exactly where he was going with this. But that still didn't prepare me for what he said next.

"I'd like to offer you a solo record deal."

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**Done! Sorry if this was a little boring, but this _is _only the first chapter/prologue of sorts. I really wanted to kinda do a quick update so that you all could get a little insight on what's happened since the guys were able to continue making music!**

**So yeah, James got offered a solo record deal! Cool right?! But that would also mean possibly being separated from Kendall.**

**So what'd you all think? Even though it's only the first chapter, I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

**Next chapter will have more Carlos and Logan, as well as a talk between all four of the guys! I'm not sure when it'll be up, but I'll try not to take too long!**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	2. What You Want

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Time for the next chapter of 'Untouchable'! Before we get started, I'd like to thank you all for the support! I'd also like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Kames all the way, LogieBearsRusher27, and Chey21 for reviewing! I'd also like to thank those that have read, followed, and favorited this story so far! I really appreciate it! :)**

**I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

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**What You Want**

"Me? A solo record deal?" I asked, my mind still trying to process everything.

"Of course. You've got a strong voice, you're driven beyond belief, plus you already have a huge fan following." The CEO admitted, taking me by suprise.

"Wow…" I breathed as I sat back into the couch.

"I really believe that you can do this James." He said in an encouraging tone. But as amazing as the opportunity sounded, I just couldn't bring myself to take him up on his offer just yet.

"I'm not saying that I'll take the offer, but _if _I did, what exactly would it entitle?" I asked, needing to know what exactly I would be getting myself into.

"Well it would be pretty much the same as with Big Time Rush, you'll just be by yourself. You'll also be able to stay in your current apartment and have it to yourself." He explained.

I sat there in silence for a minute, my mind going into overdrive. I had to admit that this really was an amazing opportunity. It was a chance for me to make a name for myself. But I couldn't help but think about my relationship with Kendall. I knew how difficult long distance relationships were to maintain. But I also knew that if anyone was worth it, it was Kendall.

"This is an amazing opportunity sir. But I just don't know if I can take you up on your offer just yet." I said, hoping that he would understand.

"I see. This is about Kendall, isn't it?" He asked, not in the annoyed or accusatory voice that I was expecting, but in a voice of understanding.

"Yeah. I mean, we're at a great place in our relationship right now. I just don't want to do anything that will mess that up." I admitted, knowing that if this record deal meant losing Kendall, then it wasn't worth it. At least to me it wasn't.

We sat there in silence for a minute, Griffin seeming to think things over before finally speaking.

"If it makes you feel better, then Kendall can stay. All of the guys can stay if they want to. But I'm going to need a decision James. I want to get started sooner rather than later, especially since your fresh off the success of Big Time Rush. I'll give you two weeks. I'm going to need a decision by then."

Those were his last words before he silently got up and walked off.

I sat in that same spot for a couple minutes, my mind still racing from the new information. I eventually gathered up enough energy to go and find the guys, which thankfully didn't take long.

"Hey James! I was starting to think we were going to have to end the party without you." Logan said as soon as I made my way over to them.

"Sorry about that." I said, giving them a smile that I hoped convinced them that everything was okay. But even though both Carlos and Logan seemed to buy it for now, I could tell Kendall wasn't about to let it go.

"What's wrong?" He whispered once we had a little distance from Carlos and Logan. I couldn't help but glance over at the blonde, immediately noticing the worry on his face and in his emerald eyes.

"Later. I kinda want to tell you all at the same time." I said, inwardly letting out a sigh when he didn't push the subject, opting for just nodding his head, the worry never leaving his face.

XxX

I let out a groan as I woke up, wincing a little at the light that was shining into the room. After letting my eyes adjust to the light, I glanced over at Kendall's bed, suprised to find it empty.

I stayed in bed for a few minutes before getting up. I went through my morning routine before getting dressed and heading for the kitchen.

"Hey sleepyhead." Carlos said from his spot next to Logan on the couch.

"Good morning to you too Carlitos." I chuckled, giving Kendall as quick kiss as I passed him before heading straight for the fridge.

"Morning? You might want to check the time." Logan said.

I glanced over at the clock, suprised to find that it was almost one in the afternoon.

"Okay… maybe I slept more than I thought. Why didn't anyone wake me?" I asked as I walked over to the couch with a bowl of cereal in hand and Kendall at my side.

"Yeah right. Do you remember what happened last time the two of us tried to wake you up?" Carlos asked while motioning to both Logan and himself, making me wince at the memory.

I looked over at Kendall, silently asking him the same question, but he just held up his hands in defense.

"Don't look at me. You looked too peaceful for me to wake you up." He said before giving me a peck on the cheek, his demeanor changing seconds later. "Plus, it kinda seemed like you needed it. I could tell that whatever it was that you wanted to talk about really had you stressed." He said, making smile a little at well he could read me.

"Yeah, Speaking of which, I really need to talk to you guys." I said softly.

As much as I didn't want to have this conversation, I knew that I needed to talk this out with not just Kendall, but the guys as well.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked, immediately picking up on my mood.

"Okay, you know how Griffin wanted to talk to me last night right?" I asked, getting nods from all three of the guys. "Well… he kinda offered me a solo record deal."

"What?! James that's amazing!" Kendall exclaimed, pulling me into a hug in the process. I just sat there for a second before reluctantly returning the hug.

"You're not mad?" I asked, feeling a little relieved at his positive reaction.

"Why would I be mad? Jay, this is your dream! All you've ever wanted to do was make music. To be a star. It's an amazing opportunity!" He said, giving me a bright smile that made my heart flutter a little.

"Thanks." I said before looking over towards Carlos and Logan. "You guys sure are quiet."

I watched as they shared a look before turning back to me.

"It's not that I'm not happy for you. Because I am. It's an awesome opportunity for you. I just… I'd miss you." Carlos said softly, which only made my heart clench at the admission.

I'd miss you too buddy. But it's not we'd never see each other again. Besides, Griffin said that you guys could stay here in LA if you wanted to." I said, remembering the other offer that the man made.

"Yeah, but what would we do. There's not really anything here for us anymore." Carlos admitted, averting his gaze away from me.

I let out a sigh as I looked over at Kendall, who had a look of guilt on his face.

"Kendall…" I said in almost a warning tone, knowing that he was hiding something.

"Okay fine. Logan and I… we kinda already applied to University of Minnesota." He said so quietly that I wouldn't have heard him if I wasn't sitting right next to him. But I was sitting right next to him, and I heard him loud and clear.

The sound of a door closing brought me out of my thoughts. I glanced up, noticing that Logan was gone, leaving a shocked Carlos behind.

"Uh… I'm going to follow him and find out what's wrong. Give you two a little time to talk." Carlos said, giving me an encouraging look before leaving the apartment and going after Logan.

Kendall and I sat in silence for what seemed like forever. But I finally built up the courage to speak and break the silence.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked softly, not daring to look into his direction.

"I was going to tell you. I swear. We only applied a few days ago so we're waiting to see if we got in." He said, which I couldn't help but scoff at.

"Of course you two are going to get in. Logan's a genius and you're… you." I said, leaning back further into the couch.

We were once again in silence, but this time it was Kendall that broke it.

"I think you should take the offer." He said, making towards him.

"Really?" I asked, not able to keep the slight pain out of my voice. Part of me had hoped that he would tell me not to take it. That he wouldn't want to risk our relationship.

"Why?" I asked softly, mentally preparing myself for whatever it was I was about to hear.

"Besides the fact that it's an amazing opportunity for you? Jay, Logan and I are going to Minnesota. That's where our futures are. It's been my dream to play for the Minnesota Wild, and now that Big Time Rush is over, I can make that dream a reality. And University of Minnesota has one of the best medical programs in the world. I don't know what Carlos is going to do, it's up to him We're all following our dreams James. You've gotta follow yours." He said, giving me that loving look that I could never get enough of.

"Besides you said it yourself, you don't really have much to go back to. Maybe this is fates way of offering you a way out." He added, giving me a small smile.

"What about us?" I asked, not willing to throw away everything that the two of us had built together this past year.

"You know, there's this thing called long distance." He chuckled while giving me a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, which told me that he was just as worried about our relationship as I was.

"I'm not kidding Kendall." I said as I averted my gaze away from him.

"Neither am I." He said seriously, taking a deep breath before continuing. "It's like you told Carlos, it's not like we won't see each other ever again. We'll have holidays, plus I'm sure we can try and visit one another when we can." He said, although it sounded like it was more for him than it was for me.

"I don't want to want to risk our relationship any more than you do. In fact, I hate the idea of us being so far apart. But like our song says, the love we have is untouchable." He added, which only made me laugh.

"You've reached a whole new level of cheesy babe." I joked, although I couldn't help the way my heart melted at his words.

"Maybe. But I mean every word. I know you're scared that this might harm our relationship, but we just have to trust that our love is strong enough to survive." He said softly before wrapping an arm around me. I instinctively leaned into his touch, my mind trying to process and go through all of my options.

"I love you." I whispered, knowing that he could hear me because of how close we were.

"I love you too." He replied, leaning down and bringing me into a kiss seconds later. We kept the kiss going until the need for air became too much and we both reluctantly pulled away.

"How long did he give you to make a decision?" He asked, still trying to catch his breath.

"Two weeks." I said simply, not quite sure where the blonde was going with this.

"Alright. I want you to take these next two weeks, or however long you need, and think. Really think about what _you _want. You. Nobody else."

I opened my mouth to protest, to tell him that his opinion meant a lot to me. But as if he read my mind, he put his hand up.

"This is _your _decision to make Jay. And I'll support you one hundred percent whatever you decide to do. If you want to go back to Minnesota with us, then you can go. Tell Griffin that you appreciate the opportunity, but you'll have to pass. If you want to stay… then we'll work it out like we always do. You and me against the world remember?"

I couldn't help but smile at that. A year later and he was still using those same words from when we first got together.

"You really mean that?" I asked, even though I knew that he was dead serious.

"Of course. If the positions were reversed, what would you tell me?" He asked gently, his eyes never leaving mine.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to lie to him so I let out a sigh before reluctantly replying.

"I'd tell you that.. even though it would kill me to be away from you for so long, that it's your dream and you've gotta follow it." I mumbled, refraining myself from rolling my eyes at the smirk Kendall now had on his face.

"Exactly." He said before pulling me into a hug. "Whatever you decide, we'll work through it. I promise." He whispered into my ear, giving me a tight squeeze before breaking the hug.

Even though I still had to talk things out with Carlos and Logan, and find out what I honestly wanted to do, I believed him. I felt that everything would work out.

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**Done! I'm pretty proud of how this chapter turned out, especially since I wasn't one hundred percent sure how I wanted to write this chapter. I decided to let this chapter focus on Kames. Next chapter will be a little shorter but will have a Cargan conversation, which means you all get to find out what's wrong with Logie**

**As I've said before, I'm really excited about this story. I have quite a bit planned for it so I hope that you all enjoy it!**

**So what'd you think about the Kames? Don't you all just love Kendall? What about poor Carlitos and his confession about missing James? Any guesses as to what's wrong with Logie? And what do you all think James should do regarding Griffin's offer? I'd really love to hear your thoughts on everything! Who knows, if I get enough reviews I might just update this in a few days ( Hint, hint) ;)**

**Looking forward to hearing your thoughts! Until next time!**

**And Happy Birthday to Kendall Schmidt! :) **

**-Epically Obsessed**


	3. Only You

**A/N: Hello again everyone! As promised, here's another update! Before we get started, I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Kames all the way, Beckyyy (Guest), and Chey21 for the reviews! I'm so happy to see that you all are enjoying the story so far! :D**

**I hope everyone enjoys the new chapter!**

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**Only you**

"Come on Loges, where are you?" I muttered to myself as I searched the Palm Woods.

I had been all over but there was no sign of him anywhere. There was only one place that I hadn't checked yet, and I silently prayed that he was there.

As I started making my way to Palm Woods Park, I couldn't help but think about James.

I knew that it was probably selfish of me to want James to come back to Minnesota with us, but I couldn't help what I felt. I just couldn't see Kendall, Logan and I going back without him. It wasn't right.

But on the other hand, this really was an amazing opportunity for him. This was his dream, and it'd be wrong to keep him away from his dream.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I spotted Logan sitting on a bench. I ran over to him, letting out a sigh of relief in the process.

"Don't ever scare me like that again!" I snapped as I brought him into a hug.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, even though he sounded a little distracted.

"I've been looking all over the Palm Woods looking for you! I was getting ready to tell Kendall and James that I couldn't find you!" I yelled, muttering a sorry as I noticed that I had gathered the attention to a few people around us.

"I'm sorry! It's just… James was talking about staying here and… it just upset me. Then Kendall had to go and bring up the college thing." He said, letting out a sigh as he put his head in his hands.

"I told you that you guys should have told him as soon as you applied." I said as I rubbed comforting circles on his back.

"I know. He probably hates us right now. Not that I can really blame him." He muttered, but there was something else in his voice, something that told me that there was something that he wasn't telling me.

"Logie… What aren't you telling me?" I asked softly, managing to hide my nervousness.

"N-nothing." He stuttered, a sign that he was lying.

"You're a terrible liar Loges. And you seem to forget that we can read each other like a book." I chuckled softly, despite the hurt that I felt at him lying to me.

Kendall and James have always been able to read each other, sometimes they could even read Logan and I. Now that Logan and I had been together for a little over a year, we were starting to get the hang of this whole reading each other thing.

"Okay fine. It's James. I… don't want him to stay." He said, making me let out a sigh of relief. I thought that there was something seriously wrong.

"I know how you feel Logie. I honestly don't want him to stay any more than you do. But… this is his dream. We can't get in the way of that." I said honestly.

"I know you're right. I just… it's always been the four of us. I can't imagine us going back to Minnesota without him." He whispered, but I heard him loud and clear. And there was something in his voice that I couldn't exactly place, but I was sure that I had a pretty good idea of what this was really about.

"Logan, do you… do you still have feelings for James?" I asked nervously, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

I didn't miss the way his body slightly stiffened, which didn't help my nerves any. He stayed silent for a few seconds before letting out a sigh.

"Yes, there is a part of me that still has feelings for James. I probably always will have feelings for him." He said softly, his words making my heart drop. "But I don't love him. I love _you_. Only you." He added before pulling me into a kiss, catching me off guard.

My heart fluttered as I felt all the love and passion being out into the kiss. It didn't last as long as I would've liked since we eventually had to pull apart as the need for to breathe became too much.

"I love you, Only you." He repeated, a small smile on his face.

"I love you too." I said softly, still recovering from the kiss.

We sat there in silence for a minute before Logan suddenly spoke up.

"Uh… I think we should get back." He said, already starting to stand up. I silently nodded my head before going to stand up as well, silently following him back to the Palm Woods.

I didn't know what was going to happen or what James was going to decide to do, I just hoped that everything worked out.

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**Done! Sorry that this chapter was so short, but I just wanted to do a short chapter to show you what Carlos and Logan were feeling about everything. And I know Carlos might have seemed a little OOC, but I just wanted to show a more mature side to him since I firmly believe that he can be insightful and serious when he needs to be. But don't worry, you'll see the more childlike Carlos that we all know and love in this story!**

**Next chapter will shift the focus back to James and will have a short time jump. I'm hoping to have it up sometime this weekend.**

**P.S. If you haven't already, please go and vote on the poll up on my page for which pairing you want to see in my next story! Kames is in the lead so there may be another Kames story coming soon! ;)**

**Even though this chapter was short, I hope you all enjoyed it! The next chapter will definitely be longer!**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	4. Decisions

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Time for another update! Before we get started, I'd like to thank and respond to those that reviewed last chapter!**

**Kames all the way: I'm glad you liked the chapter! The funny thing is that I didn't even plan on that chapter being sad, it just kinda came out like that. And yeah, the decision is pretty obvious. But it's all setting up for some drama and angst that I hope you'll enjoy! **

**Chey21: Thank you so much for both reviewing and voting! I have quite a bit planned for this story so I hope you enjoy it! **

**Winterschild11: Thanks alot for the review! And yeah, it really is hard. **

**Again, thank you all so much for reviewing. I hope you all enjoy the new chapter.**

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**Decisions**

As I looked on at the park, I couldn't help but smile a little at the friends and families that were spending time together.

It had now been three days since I had talked with Griffin. Three days since he offered me a solo record deal. I had gotten a chance to talk to Carlos and Logan, but they both basically said the same thing as Kendall.

"_It would kill us to go back to Minnesota without you. But this is your dream Jay, and we can't keep you from that." _

I let out a groan as their words replayed in my head.

I knew that it shouldn't be this difficult to make a decision. But there were so many thoughts going through my head that it was making it difficult for me to come to a decision.

I wanted nothing more than to take Griffin up on his offer, but I couldn't take the offer without thinking it through. I mean for one thing, I knew that I would miss Carlos and Logan like crazy. Things just wouldn't be the same without Carlos' cheerfulness or Logan going around spouting facts at everyone.

Plus, there was Mama Knight and Katie. Ever since my mom had basically rejected me, Mama Knight had basically become my parental figure. Well, more so than usual since she pretty much already treated Carlos, Logan and I as her own. And it was no secret that even though we weren't related to Katie, she had become like a sister to me along with Carlos and Logan.

Then there was Kendall.

We were at such a great place in our relationship right now, and I knew how hard long distance relationships were to maintain. And even though he had promised that we would work through whatever I decided, I just didn't want to risk our relationship.

"James!"

I glanced up, immediately noticing Ryder making his way over to me.

I had sent him a text, asking him to meet me in the park. He always gave me great advice and I was hoping that this would be no exception.

"Hey!" I said, bringing him into a hug once he made his way over to me.

"Hey, so what was up with the SOS message?" He asked, making me blush a little. I guess I did kinda over exaggerate.

"I uh… I kinda need some advice." I said softly, suddenly feeling a little nervous.

"Okay…" He said hesitantly, probably noticing the change in my demeanor.

"Okay. You uh… you know how Griffin wanted to speak with me the night of our farewell party right?" I asked, to which he gave a slight nod.

And so I told. I told him about the offer, about my talk with the guys, about my fears, everything.

By the time I was finished, I was taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down as Ryder stared at me with a thoughtful expression.

"Well?" I asked once a couple minutes had passed, hoping that he had some helpful advice for me.

"I think that Kendall has a point." He said, making me let out a groan of frustration. "Wait, just… hear me out. Okay?" He asked.

I gave him a look before nodding my head, signaling for him to continue.

"Alright, I know you're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to hear it." He said, taking a few seconds before continuing. "I think it's great that you're taking everyone's feelings into consideration. But this is _your _decision. Not theirs. This is a decision that you have to make on your own." He said gently, giving me a sympathetic look in the process.

"I know that you're scared. Scared of being on your own, scared that your relationship with Kendall won't work out. But if this is what you really want, then you have to take a leap of faith and trust Kendall when he says that you two will make your relationship work." He added.

It took a minute for his words to register, but when they did, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"Ry, I could kiss you right now!" I exclaimed, not missing the look of shock on his face as my demeanor changed yet again.

"As much as I would love that, I'm pretty sure Kendall would kill me." He said making me chuckle a little. "What's with the sudden change?" He asked, giving me a curious look.

"I think you just helped me make my decision."

* * *

I was staring at the TV screen, my mind racing when Logan suddenly walked in.

"Hey." He said as he plopped down next to me on the couch.

"Hey Loges." I said, not taking my eyes off the TV.

"What are you doing?" He asked with something I couldn't quite place in his voice.

"Watching TV."

"Well you might want to turn the TV on then." He responded.

I gave him a look before turning back to the TV, just noticing that it wasn't on. I guess I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I wasn't paying as much attention as I thought I was.

I let out a sigh as I picked up the remote and turned the TV on, giving Logan an 'Are you happy now?' look.

"Okay, what's wrong?" Logan asked as he took the remote from me.

"Why does something have to be wrong? Nothing's wrong." I said, looking anywhere but at him.

"Really? Because you're acting really cool for someone who may be separated from their boyfriend. I mean if it was me, I'd be freaking out right now." He said nonchalantly.

"Well then I guess that's the difference between you me." I said casually, keeping my gaze locked on the TV.

"I guess you're right. You've been really supportive of James and his dream. And you've been so calm about everything. How do you do it?" He prodded, a smirk starting to form on his face.

"You know what? I'm not calm! I'm terrified! Are you happy now?!" I snapped, noticing the smirk on his face faltering into a sad smile.

"Yes, I am actually." He said, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You can't keep your feeling buried like that Kendall. It never ends well." He added.

"I know. And I honestly didn't mean to bury my feelings like that. It's just… I knew that if James knew how nervous I was then he wouldn't even consider taking Griffin up on his offer. But the truth is that I'm just as scared as he is." I admitted, feeling like a weight had been lifted off of me now that I admitted it out loud.

"Wait, I don't get it. You've been so supportive, urging him to go with whatever his heart felt. Why would you do that if you feel that way?" He asked, looking slightly confused.

"Because I meant every word of it. If he chooses to stay and take Griffin up on his offer, then I'm willing to work through whatever we have to in order to make our relationship work. But that doesn't mean I can't be scared or nervous about it. I know exactly how hard long distance relationships are to maintain, but James is worth it." I ranted, my cheeks heating up at the look Logan was giving me.

"Wow…" He said, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck in the process. He was getting ready to continue, but stopped at the sound of the door to the apartment opening.

I turned towards the door, a smile forming on my face at the sight of James.

"Hey babe. We were just talking about you." I said, making my way over to the brunet before pulling him into a kiss.

That conversation with Logan made me realize not only how much I would miss James if he chose to stay, but also how scared I felt at the possibility of losing him.

When we simultaneously pulled away from the kiss, I immediately noticed the nervous look on his face.

"What's wrong?" I asked, feeling myself start to get a little worried.

"Well, I've uh… been doing some thinking." He said, looking anywhere but at me. But he didn't have to for me to understand where he was going with this.

"And…" I prodded, my heartbeat quickly speeding up.

"I've decided to take Griffin up on his offer." He said softly, staring at me as if he was trying to gauge my reaction.

I ignored the slight pang in my chest at his words as a genuine smile formed on my face.

"Jay, that's great!" I exclaimed before pulling him into a hug, not missing the sigh of relief that he let out. "I know you're going to be amazing." I whispered into his ear before pulling away.

"I'm really happy for you man. Who knows, maybe you really will marry Nicole Scherzinger."

I couldn't help the heated glare that I threw Logan's way, who just put his hands up in defense.

"Kidding! I'm just kidding. We all know this big lug is crazy about you." He said, giving James a playful nudge.

"He's right you know." James said, giving me such a loving look that I could practically feel my heart melt.

"Okay, that's enough you lovebirds." Logan chuckled before heading towards the door.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"I'm going to get Carlos. There's a new corndog stand at the park and I'm pretty sure if I leave him there too long he'll buy the entire cart." He said as he walked out the door, making James and I chuckle in the process.

"So… I guess we have some things to talk about then." James said after a few seconds of silence, turning his attention back to me as he put his hands on my hips.

"Yeah, but not right now. We have time for that later. Let's just… enjoy ourselves for right now. We don't have alot of time left together so I'd rather enjoy the time we have left." I said, hoping that he would see where I was coming from.

"Sounds good to me." He said, giving me a peck on the cheek before leading me over to the couch.

* * *

**Done! So James decided to take Griffin up on his offer! You also got a chance to see how Kendall really feels about everything as well as James' fears about the offer. I know the story might seem a little boring, but it will start picking up a little next chapter before we get to the angst! ;)**

**Next chapter will mostly be revolved around Kames and will kinda include a sad ending.**

**So what'd you all think? I hope that you all enjoyed it and that I did a good job of conveying both Kendall and James' fears and feelings! I'd really love to hear your thoughts!**

**Next chapter probably won't be up until next weekend at the latest.**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	5. Goodbye

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm back with a new chapter! Before we get started, I would like to thank and respond to those that reviewed last chapter!**

**Kames all the way: I'm so glad you like Ryder! And no, it's not weird. I feel the same way! :P There'll be alot more of him in the rest of the story so I hope you enjoy!**

**Winterschild11: Yep I tried not to make this chapter _too _sad, but it's still kind of a downer.**

**Again, thank you so much to those that reviewed! I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

**Goodbye**

"I can't believe this is it." I whispered as we walked through Palm Woods Park.

"Hey, we still have the rest of the night together." Kendall said, wrapping his arm around my waist In the process. But one look at the blonde, along with the tone in his voice, was enough for me to realize that he was just as scared as I was.

Tomorrow was the day that the guys, along with Mama Knight and Katie left for Minnesota. The day that everything could potentially change.

"I know. I just… I really don't want you to go. I don't want _any _of you to go." I said softly, leaning into his touch.

"Jay, we've been over this." He sighed, giving me a look that I knew all too well.

He was right though. I had brought it up numerous times for the past week or so. And he would reassure me every time that everything would be okay. But I couldn't help but worry, and he couldn't stop me from worrying.

"I know." I muttered, following Kendall's lead as he sat down in the grass. "I'm sorry for complaining so much. It's just that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me Ken, and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you." I said, staring right into those emerald eyes that I loved so much.

"Then I guess it's a good thing that we won't have to find out huh?" He said, a smile forming on his face as he pulled me into a quick kiss before pulling away.

We weren't ashamed of our relationship, but we didn't flaunt it around either. We tried to keep the PDA to a minimum, mostly saving it for when we were alone. But I loved the moments where we just threw caution to the wind.

"What are we gonna do without each other? I mean, I know I'll see you next month. But after that…" I trailed off, knowing that he knew what I meant.

I had tried talking Griffin into letting me fly out to Minnesota for Thanksgiving, but he had quickly said no, saying that he wanted to me to get to work as soon as possible and to try and get a single finished by the end of the year. But as a compromise, he's allowing me a couple weeks in Minnesota for Christmas.

And knowing how hard being separated from Kendall is for me, he's giving me a little time to myself before putting me to work.

"Honestly? I'm not sure. I mean, I'll be in school and you'll be working. We'll both be busy, so we'll just have to make it work somehow." He said, to which I just nodded in agreement, knowing that he was right. We would just have to wait and see how it played out.

We sat there in a comfortable silence for a couple minutes, just staring up at the stars before Kendall suddenly broke the silence.

"How'd you decide to take Griffin up on his offer?" He asked, catching me off guard for a second. "I mean, you seemed like you had a hard time making a decision and you just suddenly… knew." He added, probably noticing my shocked expression.

"Well…" I started, feeling a little nervous. "Ryder actually helped me make the decision." I said hesitantly.

Even though the guys and Ryder have become pretty good friends over the past year, there were still times where Kendall would get a little jealous. No matter how many times I assured him that I had no feelings for the other blonde.

"Oh…" He said, something that I couldn't quite place flashing in his eyes, although I was sure I had a pretty good idea of what it was.

"Yeah. The weird thing is, he agreed with you, gave me the same advice that you did. But it was different. I don't know. Maybe I just needed to hear it from someone that wasn't you or one of the guys." I said, even though I knew that there was more to it than that. Something that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Yeah, maybe." He said, his gaze going back to the sky.

"Ken…" I said softly, needing to make sure that he wasn't upset with me. I refused to let him leave if he was upset with me.

"I'm not mad." He said, seemingly reading my mind.

I gave him an analytical look, not that he could see it since his gaze was still on the sky. After a few seconds, he took a glance at his watch before sitting up.

"We should probably get back if we plan on making it for guys night. You know Carlos and Logan will start without us if we take too long." He said, making me chuckle a little.

"You're probably right." I said, holding out my hands to the blonde. "Help me up?" I asked sweetly, watching as he rolled his eyes before pulling me up to my feet.

XxX

I couldn't help but take a shaky breath as I watched everyone check in, knowing that in minutes, Kendall would be on his way to Minnesota.

I kept telling myself that this would be good for him. That he's chasing his dream just like I'm chasing mine. But the more selfish part of me was still upset.

I was brought out of my thoughts when someone put their hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see that it was Ryder.

"It's going to be okay. I know that you and Kendall are going to make it through this." He said softly, giving my shoulder a comforting squeeze in the process.

Ryder had insisted on joining me both to say goodbye to everyone along with me since he had gotten so close with everyone, and also to make sure that I would be okay. I had tried convincing him that I would be okay, but he wasn't having it. And while I wouldn't admit it, I was happy that he was here.

"Okay, we're all ready to go." Mama Knight said, although I could tell from the tone of her voice that she wasn't quite ready to leave either.

"So… this is it?" I asked, not quite knowing what to say.

"I'm afraid so." She said, taking a few steps forwards until she was standing in front of me. "You've come a long way you know?" She asked, making me blush a little because I knew exactly where she was going with this.

"You've grown so much over the past few years, and I'm extremely proud of you." She said, taking a shaky breath as she tried to fight back tears. "I know you're going to be amazing, but I don't want you to forget us okay? I want you to call and visit whenever you can and I'll make sure we all do the same." She said, to which I immediately nodded my head.

"I promise." I whispered before pulling her into a hug, one that she quickly returned.

After I let go, Katie stepped forward.

"Hey Katie-bear." I teased.

"Shut it Diamond." She snapped, but I could tell from the smile on her face that she was just messing with me. "If you ever get tired of Griffin or need new management, call me." She said, pulling out a business card from her pocket and handing it to me.

"When do you have time to make these?" I asked, chuckling a little despite the knot in my stomach.

"Eh, it's easier than you think." She said with a shrug, but as I paid closer attention to her, I could tell that it was just a front.

"Come here." I whispered, pulled her into a hug. "It's going to be okay." I said softly, the knot in my stomach tightening when I felt the tears from her eyes soaking into my shirt.

"I'm really going to miss you." She said, taking a breath to try and calm herself down a little.

"That's just your crush on me talking." I teased, hoping to lift her spirits up a little. I knew that I had the desired effect when she gently shoved me away before playfully punching me.

"Take care of yourself alright?" She asked, giving me a stern look.

"I will." I assured her.

She gave me one last look before going over to join Mama Knight.

I turned my attention to the guys, Logan and Carlos stepping forward with their hands intertwined.

"So…" Logan said, at a loss for words.

"So…" I repeated, not quite sure what to say myself. Seconds later Carlos ran forward, bringing me into a hug that I immediately returned. Moments later we were joined by Logan.

"I'm really going to miss you guys. But I know that you're going to kill it at University of Minnesota." I said honestly.

And it was true. Kendall and Logan hadn't gotten their acceptance letters back yet, but that was to be expected since they had just applied and it was the middle of the semester. And after finding out that I was taking Griffin up on his offer, Carlos had decided to apply to University of Minnesota as well, revealing that he had planned on waiting to see what I would do.

I knew that all three of them would get in though, and that they were going to do great.

"We'll miss you too Jay." Logan said as he pulled away from the hug, wiping away the few stray tears that had fallen from his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm going to miss my Super Party King Of Hollywood buddy, but this is your dream. You've gotta follow it." Carlos added, a few tears falling from his eyes as well.

"I love you guys." I choked out, not bothering to hold back the tears anymore as I brought them into one final hug.

"We love you to. Don't be a stranger okay?" Logan asked, giving me and encouraging smile before he went to join Mama Knight and Katie, Carlos following seconds later.

'_And then there was one…' _I thought to myself as I turned to Kendall, who already had tears in his eyes.

"Hey." He said with a small smile on his face.

"Hey yourself." I said, the words that I had planned to say slipping from my mind.

"I want you to go out there and kill it okay? And don't let Gustavo and Griffin drive you crazy." He said, which made me laugh a little bit.

"Don't worry. If either of them get out of line, I'll just channel my inner you." I said, making him chuckle a little, the memories of me shouting at Gustavo probably coming back to his memory.

"We're going to get through this." He said firmly, taking a few steps forward to lace his fingers in mine. "We'll call each other and Skype when we can. We'll send each other those sickenly sweet texts that you seem to hate but secretly love. And our relationship will only grow stronger from this." He said with such conviction despite the tears in his eyes that I just had to believe him.

"I believe you." I said, not missing the relief that flashed across his face. He pulled me forward and into a quick but passionate kiss before bringing me into a hug.

"I love you so much." He whispered into my ear, making me smile a little.

"I love you too." I said as we broke the hug. "Now go. You're going to miss your flight." I said, hearing that it was the last call for their flight.

I watched as Ryder said goodbye to everyone, both Kendall and Mama Knight whispering something into his ear before giving him a stern look.

I made a mental note to ask him about it later since now wasn't really the right time.

"Well… I guess this is goodbye for now." Kendall said, to which I gave a meek nod.

"I guess so. I'll see you all in a month." I said, attempting to sound more positive than I felt.

I watched as they started walking through the gate, Kendall stopping to give me one last look.

'I love you.' I mouthed to him, smiling as he did the same, blowing me one last kiss before walking through the gate.

"Come on." Ryder said softly, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as we walked over to the window.

It wasn't until I saw their plane take off that I completely broke down.

* * *

**Done! So I tried not to make it _too _sad since there will be quite a bit of drama and angst coming up, but I hoped you all still enjoyed it. Be prepared for a few OC's coming up in a couple chapters.**

**And I know I kinda did a huge time jump, but there _is _a reason for it. I wanted to get into the story so it can start picking up, so you'll get a few flashbacks so you can see what happened**

**So what'd you all think? Any guesses as to what Mama Knight and Kendall told Ryder? I'd love to hear your thoughts on everything!**

**I'll try and have the next chapter up by this weekend so until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	6. Miles Apart

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Time for another chapter! Before we get started, I'd like to thank winterschild11, LovAtic Big Time, and Kames all the way for reviewing last chapter! Not too much happens in this chapter, but I hope everyone still enjoys it! :)**

* * *

**Miles Apart**

It had only been a couple of hours since I had left the airport, but I was already missing everyone like crazy. And even though things here just weren't the same without them, I had somehow managed to convince myself that I would get used to it after a while.

But now I was just torturing myself, sitting in my usual spot by the pool, watching as everyone talked and had fun with their friends.

Just yesterday that was me hanging with the guys…

'_Stop it! Stop thinking about them. You're only making things worse.' _I thought to myself.

I was suddenly starting to regret my decision to make Ryder leave.

After my breakdown at the airport, the blonde had offered to hang out with me to take my mind off things for a while, despite having to be in the recording studio today to work on his album.

It had taken alot of convincing and reassuring that I was fine on my part, but I had eventually convinced him to go, with him promising that he would stop by when he was done to check up on me.

"James?" A familiar voice called out, breaking me out of my thoughts in the process.

I looked up, immediately noticing Jo standing in front of me.

"Um… hey." I said awkwardly, nervously scratching the back of my neck in the process.

The two of us had barely talked since she had returned to the Palm Woods, specifically since the whole misunderstanding between her, Kendall and I.

"Can I sit here?" She asked, motioning to the empty seat next to me.

I nodded my head, watching as she took a seat, looking just as nervous as I felt.

We sat there in an uncomfortable silence for a couple minutes, but just as I was getting ready to say something, she beat me to it.

"How are you doing?" She asked, giving me a knowing look.

"I'm doing okay I guess. I mean I haven't cried so I guess that's a good thing." I joked, choosing to ignore the fact that I broke down in the middle of an airport.

"I guess you're right." She said, chuckling a little bit in the process.

We talked for a few more minutes, the awkwardness quickly fading away. But there was still something that was bugging me. A question that I needed answered.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked suddenly.

"Well you just did, but sure." She said, noticing the change in my demeanor.

"How do you honestly feel about Kendall and I together?" I asked, not missing the shocked look on her face at the question.

"What do you mean?" She asked, although I could tell that she knew exactly what I meant.

"I mean, even though you and Kendall broke up, you two used to talk all the time. Even we used to talk quite a bit. But ever since you found out about me and Kendall, you've barely talked to us." I said, wanting to know why she had stopped talking to us and why she was suddenly talking to me now.

She gave me a look, letting out a sigh before speaking.

"Honestly? When I first found out about your relationship, I wasn't thrilled about it. I don't know if I was jealous or what, but seeing you two together, I just couldn't take it. So I thought that maybe if I kept my distance that I would eventually come to terms with it." She explained.

"And have you?" I prodded.

"I have. I mean there are times that I still get a little jealous, but you two really do make a great couple. And anyone can tell that you two really love each other." She said, a small smile forming on her face.

"Thanks." I said, feeling my cheeks heat up a little. But there was one more question that I needed answered. "Okay, one more question. And not to sound rude or anything, but why are you talking to me all of a sudden?" I asked, only realizing how rude the words sounded when I said them out loud.

"Sorry, that came out wrong. I-"

I stopped once Jo put her hand up, signaling for me to stop talking.

"It's alright. I know you didn't mean it like that. And to answer your question," She said, giving me a sympathetic look. "I just heard about Kendall and the guys leaving about an hour ago. I was hoping to catch them before they left but it's pretty clear that I'm too late." She said, looking more than a little disappointed.

"But more than that, I know how close you are to them, especially Kendall. And I just want you to know that you're not alone. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. So are Camille and Lucy." She added, putting her hand on top of mine, making me smile a little.

"Thanks Jo. Really." I said softly. "I don't know how this is going to work out, but it helps knowing that you all are here for me." I added.

"Of course. What are friends for?" She said, giving my hand a comforting squeeze before letting it go. "By the way, Camille, Lucy and I are going out tonight. You wanna come with?" She asked, playfully nudging me.

"Thanks, but no thanks. I think I'm just going to hang out in the apartment. Besides, a friend of mine is supposed to be stopping by." I said.

"Oh, alright then." She said, giving me a somewhat suspicious look before standing up. "I'll see you later alright?" She asked, to which I just nodded.

"And take care of yourself." She added, giving me one last look before walking off.

As soon as she was gone, I let out a sigh, sinking back into my seat as my thoughts drifted back to Kendall.

* * *

"You know, I'm actually really excited to be going back home." Carlos said. But even though I could detect some excitement in his voice, I could tell that he was still a little upset, and I knew exactly the reason why.

I tuned out the rest of Carlos and Logan's conversation as I turned to look out the window of the plane.

We had been flying for two hours now, but we still had about another hour before we landed in Minnesota.

I couldn't help but agree with Carlos. I was excited to return to Minnesota, but without James, it just seemed… wrong. Besides, it was pretty hard to be completely excited when you knew that the love of your life would be miles away.

But I just kept telling myself that I needed to do this. James was in Los Angeles following his dream. Now it was my turn.

As much as I love singing, it was still my dream to play professional hockey.

"Kendall?"

I looked over at the sound of Logan's voice, noticing both him and Carlos giving me worried looks.

"Are you alright?" Carlos asked, worry laced in his voice.

"I'm fine." I lied, the lie made evident by my shaky voice.

"Kendall…" Logan said in a warning tone, giving me a stern look in the process.

"No, I'm not okay." I sighed, turning my head back to the window. "It's only been two hours and I already miss him. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I've never been the clingy type. I've never had to be with someone 24/7. But with James it's just… different." I explained, hoping that one of them would be able to give me some kind of insight.

"You wanna know why it's different with James?" Logan asked, to which I quickly nodded my head. "It's because you're in love." He said simply, glancing over at Carlos before continuing.

"When you love someone, you_ want _to be with that person 24/7. You_ want _to have them by your side. That's what love is! There's nothing wrong with you. " Logan chuckled, his words taking a second to register.

"You're right." I whispered when his words finally clicked.

"Of course he's right. He's Logie." Carlos chirped, giving his boyfriend a peck on the lips before turning his attention back to me.

"You don't have anything to worry about Kenny. You love James and James loves you. I know that you two are going to make it through this." Carlos said, giving me an encouraging smile.

But even though I wanted nothing more than to believe those words, I just couldn't. I would be in cold, normal Minnesota while James was in sunny, exciting California. He would be surrounded by girls and guys, people that he could easily fall in love with. Specifically a blue eyed blonde.

'_Stop it Kendall! You two have already had this conversation. He loves _you!' I assured myself, feeling a little guilty about thinking that Ryder would make a move on James or vice-versa.

In the year that I had known Ryder, he had proved himself to be not only an honest and trustworthy person, but also a great friend.

There were very few times that James and I had huge fights, but when we did, Ryder would always put aside his feelings for James to help Carlos and Logan remind us how much we love each other.

'_Carlos is right. They're both right. I don't have anything to worry about.' _I thought to myself.

"Have I ever told either of you how much I love you guys?" I asked, not missing the big grins that were forming on both of their faces.

"Once or twice." Logan said, making me chuckle a little.

I glanced out the window again, admiring the clouds as they rolled by. A genuine smile formed on my face as I felt myself feeling alot better about everything.

* * *

**Done! So not too exciting, but I really wanted to establish how both James and Kendall are dealing with things. As you can see, James is having a little difficulty coping while Kendall seems to be coming to terms with everything.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts on everything, specifically how I'm portraying Kendall and James' emotions. One of my main goals is to portray their emotions well and realistically so I'd love to hear your thoughts on how I'm doing**

**And also, how would you all feel about seeing Ryder's POV? I have a few things planned for him as the story progresses but I wanted to see if you all were interested before I decided on doing his POV.**

**Next chapter is where things start to pick up! I've haven't started on the next chapter yet, but I already have it planned out. Maybe some reviews will encourage me to update faster! ;) Think we can get 5 reviews on this chapter? :)**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	7. Feel

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Time for another update! I'd like to give a huge thank you to LovAtic Big Time, winterschild11, Kames all the way, Nuria De Maslow, and mambrino for reviewing last chapter! It really means alot! And I see that alot of you would like to see Ryder's POV so I'll be sure to include that in upcoming chapters! ;)**

**I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

**Feel**

"Come on James. _Think_." I muttered to myself as I stared at the blank paper.

'_Great, now I'm talking to myself.' _I thought as I leaned back in my chair, letting out a sigh in the process.

It had been almost a week since everyone had went back to Minnesota, and as promised, we had all stayed in constant contact with each other.

Before I had a chance to dwell on anything, a knock at the door broke me out of my thoughts. I slowly made my way to the door before opening it, my mood quickly changing when I saw who it was.

"Hey Ryder! What's up?" I asked, moving to the side to let him in before closing the door.

"Nothing much. I'm just really excited!" He said, a big smile on his face.

"About?" I asked, chuckling a little at the blonde's excitement.

"It's probably going to sound silly. I'm just… I only have a couple more songs to do and then my second album will be complete! I never even imagined that I would be able to make one album, let alone two!" He exclaimed, his childlike excitement reminding me of Carlos.

"Ry, that's amazing!" I said before pulling him into a hug, which he returned after a couple of seconds. "I remember how excited I was just to be in here in L.A., let alone when the guys and I released our first album. Trust me, the excitement is normal and nothing to be ashamed of." I assured him as I broke the hug.

"Thanks." He said, a sheepish smile forming on his face. "So, what are you up to?" He asked, trying to change the subject.

"Trying, but failing to write a song." I muttered as I took a seat, motioning for him to do the same.

"Wait, I thought you and the guys wrote songs all the time." He said, confusion clouding his features.

"That's just it. I was always with at least one of the guys. We got our ideas from each other. But now that I'm alone…" I trailed off, knowing that Ryder knew where I was going with this.

"I get it." He said, looking thoughtful for a minute before speaking again. "How do you feel right now? How do you honestly feel? About Kendall and the guys being gone?" He asked, catching me off guard for a second.

"I miss them." I said, and was getting ready to continue until Ryder out his hand up to stop me.

"You've gotta dig deeper than that Jay." He said softly, giving me a sympathetic look as he put a comforting hand on my shoulder. "How do you _honestly _feel?" He asked again.

I stared at him for a second before taking a deep breath, sorting through my emotions.

"I kinda feel alone. I'm so happy that they're all chasing they're dreams. They deserve it, especially since they put their dreams on hold to help me reach mine. But I just feel kind of lost without them." I said, still feeling a little weird talking about my feelings with someone who wasn't Kendall, Carlos, or Logan. But I knew that I could trust Ryder. That I could open up to him.

"That's your song right there." He said, continuing when I gave him a confused look. "When I write my songs, I pretty much always write them about personal experiences and feelings." He explained, which made complete sense.

"I don't know why I didn't think of that." I said, mostly to myself, realizing that all I had to was do what I did when I wrote with the guys. Except I would be writing about my own experiences and feelings. "I told you I was lost without the guys." I said, trying to make a joke out of the situation.

"Well then I guess it's a good think you've got me to keep you on track, huh?" He asked, a teasing smile forming on his face.

"Yeah, I guess so." I said, feeling a small smile of my own forming on my face.

We sat there in a comfortable silence for a few seconds before I broke it, making a snap decision as I looked at the time. , noticing that it was almost six.

"You know what? Forget the song for now. I've got all day tomorrow to work on it. You wanna hang out here for a while? Maybe watch a couple movies?" I asked, hoping to recreate one of the famous movie nights that the guys and I used to have all the time.

"Sure. That sounds great." He said, standing up at the same time as me. I was getting ready to head into the living room but stopped when my phone started to ring. I took out my phone, my heart skipping a beat as I saw who it was.

"Why don't you go pick out a movie and start it up. I'll be there in a few minutes." I said, to which he just nodded.

"Have fun loverboy." He called out in a teasing tone, making me roll my eyes as I walked to my room for a little privacy.

"Hey Kenny." I said as I answered my phone.

"_Hey Jamie. How's it going?"_ He asked in a cheerful voice.

"It's going great! Getting ready to relax a little before I start working on writing a song or two tomorrow." I said, knowing that he would love to hear it.

"_Really?! That's awesome Jay! I haven't heard it yet, but I know it's going to be great! I'm really proud of you."_ He said, the genuine pride in his voice making everything worth it.

"Thanks." I said softly, not bothering to fight back the smile that was forming on my face. "So how are things going on your end?" I asked.

"_Things are going pretty good. Except Carlos and Logan can't keep their hands off each other!"_ He yelled, making me assume that they were nearby, probably in the room next to him.

"Sounds like typical Carlos and Logan behavior." I chuckled, even though it made me wish that I could physically touch Kendall right now.

"_Yeah. Anyway, we're getting ready to go and get something to eat. I just really wanted to hear your voice and make sure things are okay."_ He said, and I could hear that hint of worry in his voice.

"Everything's fine Ken. Stop worrying so much." I said in a teasing manner, although it meant alot that he still called to make sure that I was alright.

"_I'm always going to worry about you Jay. It's like… law or something."_ He said, making me chuckle a little.

"I guess. Hey, have you guys gotten accepted yet?" I asked excitedly.

"_No, not yet. Logan said that we should get our letters before Christmas though!"_ He said, sounding pretty excited.

"That's good. I can't wait to see you." I said honestly, knowing that I still had a little while to wait, but I knew that the wait would be worth it.

"_And I can't wait to see you."_ He said softly. _"Alright Jay, I gotta go. But I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"_

"Alright. Have fun." I said, not quite ready for the call to end just yet.

"_I'll try. Love you."_ He said, his voice thick with emotion, making me think that maybe he wasn't ready for our call to end either.

"I love you too." I said softly, my voice conveying everything that I was feeling.

"_We're going to make it through this Jay, you'll see. And I can't wait to see you next month." He_ said, probably picking up on the emotion in my voice. _"I'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you."_ He added before hanging up.

I let out a sigh as the call disconnected, leaning on the wall for support.

"You can do this James. You can do this." I said to myself, taking a calming breath.

I stood there for a minute before heading back out into the living room to join Ryder.

* * *

**Done! I don't know why, but I really liked this chapter :)**

**Again, I'm so happy that you all are liking Ryder! I've been getting quite a few PM's and a couple reviews about him. As I've said, I've got a few things planned for him. He's probably my favorite OC that I've written so far!**

**Next chapter will probably be a little shorter, and will consist of James getting back to work. But the chapter after that will have a Kames reunion and will be a Christmas chapter! The next chapter will be up later this week while the other chapter will probably be up a day or two before Christmas. And just to warn you all, the drama starts picking up shortly after the Christmas chapter ;)**

**So how'd you all like the chapter? I hope I did a good job on the Ryder/James and Kendall/James talks!**

**Until next time (P.S. Sorry for the lengthy AN)!**

**-Epically obsessed**


	8. On My Own

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'd like to give a huge thank you to winterschild11, Isitalovesbtr, and LovAtic Big Time for reviewing last chapter!**

**As I said in the last chapter, this will be a shorter chapter Almost a filler chapter, but it's kinda necessary. So even though it's short, I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**On My Own**

I let out a shaky breath as I stared up at the building in front of me before glancing down at my hands, noticing how they were slightly shaking.

I didn't know why I felt so nervous. I mean, it's not like I haven't done this before. But I realized seconds later that things would be different. That it wouldn't be me and the guys this time. I think that's what scared me the most. And even though I put on a good front, as much as I acted like I was ready, I was honestly completely and utterly terrified.

But I tried my best to push that fear aside as I walked into Rocque Records.

I couldn't help but think of the first time I had walked through these halls with the guys, a smile forming on my face as I spotted our poster framed and hung up on the wall.

"I finally made it. And it's all thanks to you guys." I said softly as I moved to stand in front of the poster. "I don't know how I'm ever going to repay you for all you've done for me." I added, feeling slightly weird talking to a poster.

"James?"

I turned around at the sound of Kelly's voice, not missing the look of shock on her face.

"Hey. I know I'm a little early. I'm not even entirely sure I _why _I showed up so early." I said, and was getting ready to continue until Kelly put her hand up to stop me.

"It's okay." She said, walking over to my side in the process. "You really miss them don't you?" She asked, giving me a sympathetic look.

"I do. I feel like I shouldn't miss them already. I mean, it's only been about a week since they left but…"

"James, it's completely normal for you to miss them. The four of you practically grew up together. I'm sure they miss you too. But I know that they're also proud of you for going on without them. For following your dream. Especially Kendall." She said softly, giving me a small smile.

"Thanks." I said just as softly, ignoring the pang in my chest.

"You don't have to thank me James. I'll always be here for you if you need someone to talk to. But I want you to know that you're alot stronger than you give yourself for." She said while putting an encouraging hand on my shoulder. "Now let's get you into the studio. Griffin wants to talk to you for a minute." She said.

I followed her into the studio, not suprised to find both Gustavo and Griffin waiting for me.

"Hello James." Griffin said, giving me a slight nod.

"Hello sir." I replied awkwardly, returning the nod that he had given me.

"Please, just call me Griffin." He said as he took a seat. "I won't be here for too long. I just wanted to say that, I'm really proud of you James." He said, his words shocking me for a moment.

I didn't say anything, not really trusting my voice at the moment, so Griffin took this as a sign to continue.

"I know that it must have taken alot for you to take me up on this offer. To agree to being separated from Kendall for so long. So I want you to take things easy. Don't push yourself too hard, and if you feel like you need a little break, don't be afraid to let one of us know. Do you understand?" He asked, a smile forming on his face, probably from noticing the shock on my face.

"I understand. And thank you. It really means alot." I said honestly, suddenly feeling alot better about everything.

"You're welcome. I know I can be a bit harsh at times, but I'm not heartless you know." Griffin chuckled before standing up. "Now about that single." He said, but I spoke up before he could continue.

"Actually, I kinda wrote a song." I said hesitantly, hoping that this wouldn't end badly. "It's pretty personal and it means alot to me." I added.

I could tell from the shocked looks on everyone's faces that none of them were really expecting that, but I took it as I good sign when a smile formed on Gustavo's face.

"Well let's see it." He said, speaking for the first time since I had stepped into the room.

I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding as I reached into my back pocket, pulling out the folded paper as I walked forward.

"It's a little different than the songs that the guys and I have done." I said as I handed them the paper.

I eagerly watched as they read over the song, smiling a little at the shocked and proud look in their eyes.

"James… this is amazing." Kelly said, Gustavo and Griffin nodding in agreement.

"Really? You don't think it's too… boring?" I asked, thinking that maybe this was too good to be true.

"No. This is exactly what you need. Something to separate your music from Big Time Rush, but at the same time, not completely leave Big Time Rush's sound." Griffin said, and even though I took me a few seconds to process, I understood what he meant completely.

"Are you up for recording this today?" Gustavo asked, giving me a look to let me know that the decision was completely up to me.

It only took me seconds to come to a decision, knowing that there was no point in waiting because honestly, I felt like I was ready for this. With that in mind, I took a breath before answering.

"I'm definitely up for it."

* * *

**Done! I know this was pretty short, but I just wanted to do a short chapter showing James getting back into the swing of things without the guys there with him. Next chapter will be longer and will include a Kames reunion!**

**There will be both Kendall's and Ryder's POV coming up in a couple of chapters since the next two will mostly be focused on Kames and will be in James' POV (although I might make one the chapters in Kendall's POV)!**

**So even though it was pretty short, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!**

**Next chapter will be up either tomorrow of the day after!**

**Happy Holidays!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


	9. Next To Me (Part 1)

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Sorry for the late update, but I kinda took a mini-hiatus. Been spending some time with my family :) I would like to give a huge thank you to No-Emotions-To-Cry, winterschild11, and Lovatic Big Time for reviewing last chapter!**

**I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!**

* * *

**Next To Me (Part 1)**

I let out a sigh as I hesitantly rang the doorbell.

It had been almost exactly a month since I had gotten back to work, and even though I technically wasn't supposed to be back here in Minnesota for a few more days, Griffin had decided to let me go a little earlier because of how hard I've been working.

After I found out the news, I had debated on whether or not I should tell Kendall before ultimately deciding to surprise him, which now brought me to why I was currently standing on the Knights porch almost a week before I was supposed to be here.

"Hello, how can I-" Mama Knight started as she opened the door, her eyes widening in shock as she trailed off.

"Hi Mama Knight." I said softly, a small smile forming on my face.

"Oh my god! What are you doing here?!" She asked, not wasting anytime pulling me into a hug, which I happily returned.

"It's a long story. But let's just say I got to come home early for good behavior." I said, which made her laugh a little.

"Come on in." She said, moving aside to give me room.

I slowly made my way inside, reveling in the warm air that I was met with.

"Do you need any help with those?" She asked, motioning to the few bags that I was carrying.

"Thanks, but I think I've got it." I said, to which she just nodded, giving me a warm smile before turning towards the steps that led up to Kendall's room.

"Kendall! You've got company!" She called out before turning her attention back to me. "I'll give you two a little privacy." She said before going to walk out of the room.

"I thought you guys weren't going to be here until-" Kendall said as he made his way down the steps, stopping midsentence as his eyes locked with mine. "J-James?" He stammered, shock written all over his face.

"Hi Ken." I said softly, dropping my bags and opening my arms as he came running towards me.

"What are you doing here?! I thought you wouldn't be here for practically another week!" He exclaimed as he wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll tell you later." I chuckled, enjoying the blonde's touch. "All that matters is that I'm here." I whispered.

We stayed standing there in each other's arms for a couple minutes before breaking apart, with wide grins plastered on both of our faces.

"So what's going on? Where is everyone?" I asked, noticing that the house was much more quiet than usual.

"Well Katie's spending the night at a friend's house. Carlos and Logan are with their parents but they're supposed to be coming over later." He explained as he grabbed two of my bags while I grabbed the last one.

"So that means that we pretty much have the place to ourselves?" I asked, the words coming out more suggestive than I intended.

"Well, apart from the fact that my mom is _right downstairs_." He chuckled as we walked into his room.

I watched as he put my bags down before turning towards me.

"So…" He said simply, staring at me intently.

"So…" I repeated, taking a few steps forward.

As I got closer, I couldn't help but stare into his soft emerald green eyes. Eyes that I couldn't quite see clearly whenever we Skyped, but now that I was standing right in front of him…

"Are you just going to look into my eyes all night or what?" He asked softly, a teasing smile on his face.

As soon as the words left his mouth, I leaned forward, closing the gap between the two of us. I knew that I had caught him off guard by the small squeak that left his mouth, but it only took him a couple of seconds to melt into the kiss.

I wasn't sure if it was because I've been away from him for so long or what, but I couldn't help but feel that there was something… _different_ about this kiss. Maybe it was the obvious need radiating off of the two of us, or maybe it was just something that I couldn't quite place, but as his lips moved in sync with mine, I could tell that something was definitely different.

I let out a suprised moan as he licked my bottom lip, a sign that I knew all too well. But before things could become too heated, I reluctantly pulled away.

"What?" He asked, giving me a confused look, following my lead as I went to sit down on his bed. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked, his confused look quickly turning into one of worry and guilt.

"No. No, it definitely wasn't you." I assured him, taking a breath before continuing. "It's just… we have the next two weeks for that. Right now, I just want to lay here with you and talk. I mean, we have quite a bit to catch up on." I reminded him with a smile.

It was true. Even though the two of us had kept in constant contact with each other, we had agreed to keep a few things to ourselves so that we would have something to talk about when I got back.

"Well, we can start by talking about how you got old tyrant Griffin to let you leave early." He said, giving me a sickenly sweet smile in hopes that I would look over his comment about Griffin.

"First, he isn't a tyrant. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't even be here right now." I said, smiling a little at the look on his face.

"Seriously?" He asked, his eyes wide with shock.

"Yeah. I've been working pretty hard this past month so he decided to let me come home a little early." I admitted, still feeling a little shocked myself at the fact that the CEO decided to let me come back early.

"Okay, so maybe he _isn't_ and old tyrant." Kendall muttered playfully, making me chuckle a little as I laced our fingers together. "By the way, don't think I haven't forgotten about the song you owe me." He said, a warm smile on his face.

"Trust me, I haven't forgotten." I assured him as my gaze drifted over to his closet. "Have you happened to unpack your guitar yet?" I asked.

"Of course. Why?" He asked curiously as I stood up, making my way over to his closet where I knew he always kept his guitar in its case when he wasn't using it.

"Because," I started as I opened the guitar case. "I want your honest opinion on this song. I've recorded three so far, but Griffin and Gustavo are thinking about releasing this one as a single sometime in January. And I really want your opinion because it's kinda about you and me." I admitted shyly as I made my way back over to him.

He silently nodded his head, signaling for me to start.

I took a deep breath before starting to strum at the guitar, singing the first line seconds later.

"I can be tough. I can be strong. But with you, it's not like that at all." I sang, thinking to back to the fights we had when we were going through a rough patch in our relationship.

No matter how strong or okay I pretended to be, I knew that I wasn't. I also knew that there were very few people that could make me feel so vulnerable, so weak. And Kendall was one of them.

I continued with the song, occasionally glancing at Kendall as I did, hoping to gauge his reaction.

"And I remember all those crazy things you said. You left them running through my head."

To this day, I still find myself reflecting back to when we first got together. All the little things he would say to reassure me that everything would be okay. That everything would turn out okay in the end as long as we were together.

"You're always there, you're everywhere. But right now I wish you were here."

No matter how many times we talked on the phone, no matter how many times we Skyped, I never found myself not wishing that Kendall was physically there. Because while it was great to hear his voice over the phone, or to see him on the computer screen, nothing could compare to this. Actually sitting next to him and being able to physically touch him.

When I finished the song, I cautiously turned to Kendall, suprised to see a few unshed tears in his eyes despite the warm smile on his face.

"James… that was amazing." He said softly, pulling me in for a short, yet tender kiss.

"What was that for?" I asked softly, my eyes never leaving his.

"_That_, was for being brave." He said just as softly, continuing when he noticed the confused look on my face. "I could tell just by looking at you while you were singing that that it came from your heart. And I know that it couldn't have been easy to pitch it to old- to Griffin." He corrected, giving me a sheepish smile when he noticed the playful glare I was giving him.

"It wasn't easy. My heart was beating so fast that I thought it was going to beat right out of my chest." I admitted as I got up to put his guitar back.

"If it's any consolation, I'm really proud of you." He said, making me smile a little.

"And that's what makes everything worth it." I said as I made my way back over to him.

"By the way, I bet you're happy I gave you guitar lessons when I did huh?" He asked, making my smile widen at the memory. It was a few years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was over summer break when it happened. Neither of us had anything to do so since he knew how to play guitar and I knew how to play piano, we decided to give each other lessons over the course of the summer.

"Oh, shut up." I said playfully as I threw myself down into the bed, leaning into Kendall's touch as he wrapped an arm around me.

"I'm really glad you're here Jamie." He said softly, gently kissing my forehead.

"I'm glad that I'm here too." I said, reveling in the fact that I was physically with Kendall, that he was next to me.

* * *

**Done! So not too much happened this chapter, but Kames is reunited!**

**As you probably saw, this is only part one. I have the next couple of weeks free so I'll be doing quite a bit of writing and I'm hoping to have the next chapter up sometime this week!**

**And I think you all will be happy to know that on my mini-hiatus, I had a burst of inspiration! I now have quite a few stories that I'm really excited about, and with a couple of my current stories coming to an end, they may be up soon! So be sure to 'Author Alert' me if you want to know when I post my next story! ;)**

**Although not much happened this chapter, I'd really love to hear your thoughts!**

**By the way. The song that James wrote is 'Wish You Were Here' by Avril Lavigne! I heard the song recently and thought that some of the lyrics kinda describes how James feels :)**

**Next chapter will have more Kames-y goodness and will include Carlos and Logan!**

**Until next time!**

**-Epically Obsessed**


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